IN HER WORDS / HAYLIE FERGUSON

“I wrote this one while listening to a lot of Mitski, and I think you can hear it, because her writing is so distinctive. If I'm going to be inspired by someone, it might as well be one of the best.

It sits in this exact spot for a reason. Right before it comes Nevermind, and the Foster the People song behind it, Hannah's favorite, wonders whether it would take a shooting star to comfort the person it's speaking to. It felt natural for the next song to answer from the point of view of a shooting star, the way Mitski did in Last Words of a Shooting Star. I had no intention of reproducing what she did. I only knew I wanted to start from there, and to borrow her method: never naming the real subject, letting an object carry it. The most obvious things are the hardest to see. One day I was listening to that song without making any connection, and suddenly it clicked.

Her song has thousands of interpretations. Some say it's about a literal death on a plane, others say it's the death of who we used to be. We'll never have a final answer, because it's music, it's art. I didn't want a final answer for Greenwood either. The vehicle here is an alarm clock: the hour I used to set to wake up with someone, warming the morning before he rose, and the alarm that outlived the relationship. It's still set. I don't take it off the phone. It's a song about trauma, and about what keeps running on its own after the person who gave it a reason is gone. Your alarm going off in a room I wasn't in, mine going off while you slept through both, and the one morning it mattered, I was the one who didn't hear.

I could say it's about grief, about agoraphobia, anxiety, depression, and it's all of that. It's also about time. Time passing, and time as an accumulation of bad things, which I come back to on the other side of this record, in Private Museum, where things get more clinical. Esther opened this side with too many possible lives. Greenwood closes it with too little time.

The name holds its own layers. Greenwood is the station in the song, the one whose clock still gets wound every Sunday by a man they pay to keep the grounds, while the platform fills with nothing but weather. It's a neighborhood. It's also the name of a cemetery in Brooklyn, and once you hear it that way, other lines change: they'll say I sleep so easy now, that I finally got my rest. Sunday is the day you wind the clock and the day people visit. In old English ballads, the greenwood is the forest you run away to, outside of everything. And it completes the name this side opened with, Esther, so the record ends exactly where her name does. It ends on the word goodnight.

Time moves differently for everyone else, too, and that's in there as well. I'll let you read it however you see it. That's the part I love most. I know what I was thinking while I wrote it. I'm no longer sure that's all I think about it now. Just like I still find something new in Mitski's songs every time, I want this one to keep surprising me too.”

CASE NOTE

Part I closes on an hour. The alarm she once set to wake beside someone survived the relationship, and she still wakes before the room is anything, on time for nobody.

Above the Greenwood station, a clock is wound every Sunday by a man paid to keep the grounds, and it goes on being right. The name also holds Green-Wood, the Brooklyn cemetery. The record ends with the alarm left on the phone, in case, and a quiet goodnight.

LYRICS / TRANSCRIPT

Verse

All of this morning was somebody else's

A favor I set the night before

And I'm grateful that nobody waits on me for daylight

They'll say I sleep so easy now

That I finally got my rest

Verse

And they'll never know I wake before the room is anything

With no thoughts

Like a hand out looking for a switch

Pre-Chorus

And while the street outside made traffic in the dark

Carefully

I was going to be on time

Verse

You wouldn't rise until I'd gone and made it warm

You'd learned from somewhere what a morning owes

And you'd say that I'm good to you and reach for me half sleeping

But I know through my hands you were

Reaching for the hour

Bridge

And your alarm would go off in a room I wasn't in

And mine would go off, and you slept through them both

And the one morning it mattered

I was the one who didn't hear

Verse

And did you know the clock above the Greenwood station

Is wound each Sunday by a man they pay to keep the grounds

And while the platform fills with nothing but the weather

Quietly

It goes on being right

Pre-Chorus

I always wanted to be woken and expected

But I'd be too early or too late these days

It's too late to be early

Outro

And I sleep through it now, and I couldn't tell you which

If I'm letting it go, or if I've started collecting

The things you didn't do

And trying them on to see how they fit

I'll be late. I'll be sorry.

And it stays set. I don't take it off the phone

In case one morning it turns out to be for someone

For Greenwood

For nobody

Goodnight

PUBLISHED CREDITS
ARTIST
Haylie Ferguson
EDITION
the bell jar: esther greenwood
LABEL
Maison Oblique Entertainment